Fighting the slug-man’s sidekick with cheez its

I present to you: Dream Turned Story
This is one of the more bizarre dreams…

It all started… On a dark stormy night, the mystery-solving gang came upon a school campus that was surrounded by thick woods.

My team often were requested to come to investigate spooky situations, where for one reason or another, the paying party did not want to involve police forces. My team consisted of my younger sister, Claire, and three of our childhood friends: Charles, Duncan, and Griff.

Our first task at hand was to check out, Montgomery Prep School because there had been rumors of a slug man terrorizing teachers who would work late on the campus. We wouldn’t know it until it was too late, but this job was going to be… messier than others. We’ve faced a ton of fierce foes, so we thought we were prepared for anything that slipped our way. The guys had no idea that within a couple of hours they would be knee deep in slime and having trouble standing up straight.

As you avid horror movie lovers know, it’s usually never a good idea to split up, but that’s just what we did. My sister and I roamed the halls, while the boys went ahead and looked into classrooms and bathrooms. After a while, we didn’t hear the echo of the boys’ footsteps anymore, this had Claire and I mildly concerned. We looked at each other with unsure glances and silently communicated that we would stride on and keep our eyes peeled and ears keen on any sounds of movement.

Well, we didn’t have to wait too long. All of a sudden, Claire nearly slipped and fell. I felt the air knock out of me as she clung onto me to avoid the puddle of slimy yellow-ish grey goo on the floor. We both squealed in disgust and in a sigh of relief she said, “Well, that was a close one.” I nodded my head in agreement and just then Charles came through the doorway of one of the bathrooms in a mess!

“There you are! Me and the guys have made a huge lead!” Charles exclaimed.

Charles wasn’t the type to be swayed out of his usual stoic mannerisms, so this change must have meant something wild had happened!

We quickly made our way into the men’s restroom and the smell hit us like a tidal wave before the sight did. Claire and I gagged. The smell was similar to rancid milk and a sandwich left into a container that had been forgotten about in the fridge for… months.

I pinched my nose with two fingers and said in a nasally voice, “Golly, Fudge-muffins! What in the frick’s name is that smell? And what’s up with the slime?!”

Claire wandered in ahead cautiously for fear of slipping again and gasped, “O-M-G, Rose, you’re not going to believe this!”

As I made my way in further with Charles, nothing I had previously seen in this field of supernatural prepared me for what I was seeing.

The sight of the other two nincompoops in my group floundering around in the thickness of what looked like snot that covered the floor didn’t compare to my response of seeing an actual slug man.

I was in a moment of indecision of whether I wanted to throw up or laugh at my friends who seemed to be helping the slug-man. I decided on a third option and wait for an explanation.

That’s when Griff looks up and as if jumping through waves slowly made his way over to me, Claire, and Charles. Griff, who was the oldest of us, yet somehow the most gullible, told us excitably, “Guess what? This guy here, Mr. Cha Chi, led us here to this bathroom! He said, he knows what we are looking for!”

As if hearing his name, Mr. Cha Chi looks up and offers a seemingly harmless smile.

Claire whispers to the guys, “Why would you follow a strange guy to the bathrooms, it doesn’t look like he belongs here?”

Griff, Duncan, and Charles all had big hearts and that’s how they answered the question.

In disbelief Griff says seriously, “What do you mean? What’s the biggest rule we live by in our business? It’s that we don’t judge people by their looks or their circumstances.”

I sigh, looking at Claire and nod my head toward this Mr. Cha Chi in a way asking if she believes these guys.

No joke, Mr. Cha Chi had the outer skin of a human, but the shape and all the rolls of a fat slug! If you could imagine how a centaur looks and replace the horse’s body with a six-foot-long slug’s body and the upper body of a large man, that’s what Mr. Cha Chi looked like. I couldn’t believe that my friends couldn’t tell there was something off about this guy. More than that, he was our culprit, unless there was more than one slug-man roaming the area.

Mr. Cha Chi had them convinced that they needed to help him get the gunk out of his body by using a vacuum suction tube and then clean up the goo that was still seeping out of his body.

These gooses were fooled by this character that looked a lot like Jabba the Hutt off of Star Wars into doing the actual dirty work for him!

As conspicuously as possible, I tried to get my teams attention and to make a huddle by me to the side of the bathroom. We had our heads bowed together and I quickly smiled up at Mr. Cha Chi to wait a moment. He clucked his tongue and started to become agitated.

I explained to the guys, “Yes, you are right about our policy, but we have to be able to read into situations well. The evidence is all before us!” It took some convincing, but I got them to trust me to take the lead with this one (as usual).

While in the middle of my group of friends, I nod and they open up the circle. I quickly raise my arm above my head and in a triumphant voice I yell, “The jig is up! You may have fooled my men once, but you shall not fool me!”

Mr. Cha Chi narrows his eyes at us and responds loudly, “We’ve been had, Mr. Muscle Man!” And with that, a huge man shot down through the ceiling and landed a blow to the now cracked tile floor. This man was as tall as his counter-part was long! Mr. Muscle Man was a very fitting name for the man because his body rippled with muscles and the veins seemed to bulge from his neck and forearms.

Before we knew what was happening, Mr. Cha Chi yelled condescendingly, “You’re too late, your friends have already drained me of the juices, so I won’t be slowed down. Get those troublesome kids!”

Too bad for them, but, we know just what to do with faced with danger! We run in different directions like those cockroaches you can never catch at your house.

I yell the signal, “Let’s blow this popsicle stand!”

The boys know to run to the van and get it started for our speedy exit and then Claire and I make the diversion and lead them away. So, we do just that, we all make it out of the bathroom without slipping, while meat-head was having a hard time making across the bathroom. Claire and I just had enough time to slip down a very narrow hallway, one that was too small for either of the bad guys to fit through. We felt elated! We had escaped to an outside patio of the school but were oddly surprised to see our mom manning an outside bar. We both looked around questioningly. Like what was our mom doing here? And more than that, why did a prep school have an outside bar?

We were just catching our breath when we heard the thundering bounds of Mr. Muscle Man coming to the clearing.

My mom said non-nonchalantly, “Hi, girls! Now, Rose it looks like you’ll need all the energy you can to get through this mess.”

Claire stutters, “You mean, how this dude is going to crush us with a muscle sandwich– I– I mean, a knuckle sandwich!” I know she can’t help it, but to admire his strong figure. I sighed and thought, her greatest weakness is handsome strong men.

I tell her and wink at my mom, “I got this!”

As Mr. Muscle Man swaggers up, his muscles begging to be free from his wife beater white tank, I stoop down and take off my shoes. Not being bothered by this oncoming fight, I have my strength in my shoes. Just like Pop eye’s secret weapon is his can of spinach mine is Cheez its! Standing there with Cheez its spilling out of my shoes, I stuff a bunch in my mouth.

Mr. Muscle Man then threw his own Cheez its out in front of me on the ground. First, of all how did he know that Cheez its are my favorite, I think in delight! Second thought that came in a huff, he could have the decency to put them on the counter for me!

We stand off against each other.

I put my shoulders back and lock eyes with him. We are sizing each other up and suddenly, I smack my two shoes together and with a war cry I scream, “LET”S DO THIS!”

~Then I woke up. 😉